


Reliance

by libellules



Category: 13 Reasons Why (TV)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Justin needs stability, Matt is such a good dad, Unhealthy Relationships, mentions of child abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-15
Updated: 2018-10-15
Packaged: 2019-08-02 11:34:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,707
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16304420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/libellules/pseuds/libellules
Summary: From first meeting to betrayal, a look into the relationship between Justin and Bryce.Mostly, Justin discovers that not all friendships are healthy but some families are.





	Reliance

**Author's Note:**

> So this fic is something I’ve been thinking about for a little while and instead of taking my time and making it into something i want, I just wrote it all in a few hours at about 1 am and decided to post it with beta. I really wanted to dig into the dynamic between Bryce and Justin and how it rose and fell. This is just an interpretation of how things could have happened. Feel free to comment any grammatical mistakes you notice :)

Justin was six years old when he met Bryce for the first time. He was the first person he had ever met that actually stood up for him — even if it was just for some Twinkie’s. Justin told Bryce he didn’t need somebody trying to take care of him because that’s what Mommy had said. He didn’t necessarily believe her, it was really nice to have Bryce. 

Bryce and Justin were inseparable. Bryce let Justin sit in the blue chair at the reading table and took the red one, blue was Justin’s favorite color. Bryce even brought extra food in his lunch that he didn’t want, granted it was usually vegetables or fruit, and he always gave it to Justin.

Bryce’s friends didn’t really like Justin. He smelled, he yelled at the other kids, got into fights. Bryce told him that the fights weren’t his fault if somebody else started them. 

“What about when your Mommy or Daddy start it?” Bryce’s seven year old face scrunched up in confusion.

“Mommies and Daddies don’t pick fights silly,” he blew it off and finished his drawing of a tarantula. The picture sort of scared Justin. 

“Oh. Mine do.” Justin was drawing a basketball player, but he didn’t have an orange crayon so the ball was blue. It didn’t look very good, Mommy wouldn’t want to put it on the fridge. 

“Come live with me then.” And he did, sort of. Justin stayed over at Bryce’s house for the first time that weekend. Bryce’s house was huge, he had a tv in his bedroom, and his Mommy was so nice to Justin. She kept giving him sad looks and telling him that he could stay over whenever he wanted. He didn’t even meet Bryce’s dad for months — apparently he traveled and worked late hours. Bryce never mentioned him. 

At the end of first grade, Terry moved in. He wasn’t nice to Justin or his Mommy. He yelled all the time and even hit Justin when Mommy wasn’t looking. He could hear Mommy crying at night and then he would call Bryce. Mrs. Walker drove all the way out to his house to invite him for a sleepover. It was the middle of the night and Terry answered the door. Terry agreed that Justin would spend the summer with the Walkers. 

That summer was amazing, and it became a tradition. They took Justin to their beach house in San Diego and Mrs. Walker taught him to swim in their pool. Bryce’s friend Zach went with them and he was actually really nice to Justin. It was the best summer ever, until he went back home. 

Bryce’s Mommy gave him a new backpack and a pack of mechanical pencils. Terry wasn’t happy that Justin was back but he was working late hours too it seemed. He wasn’t around much anymore. 

Terry was gone by Halloween and Justin went trick or treating in Bryce’s neighborhood where they gave full size candy bars. He was in Bryce’s old Buzz Lightyear costume that was a little too long and he tripped over it a few times. Zach helped him pick up his candy when he fell and spilled it all over the sidewalk. Bryce was running ahead toward the next house. But he brought back a king sized Hershey’s bar for Justin. 

Bryce was the best friend Justin ever had, in his own way — not that Justin ever knew any different. Zach was around sometimes, but through elementary school Bryce was Justin’s only friend. When Bryce was on vacation or homesick the other kids would laugh and call him smelly and stupid. The moment Bryce walked back into the room they all smiled at Justin again. 

Bryce was taller than all the other kids, except Zach was almost as tall as Bryce and would probably pass him by once they started middle school. Bryce scared most kids. Not Justin. Bryce was like Superman to Justin. He could do anything and he was always saving the day. 

In middle school though, Bryce started to ignore Justin sometimes. Not sometimes, whenever he was talking to a girl. The first year, Justin didn’t really understand because the girls were so gross and he was almost positive that Zach had warned him about their cooties. And then I’m seventh grade, Ashley Damon kissed him in a Chik-Fil-A and everything changed. He understood what the big deal was that Bryce and Monty were always talking about. Girls were so cool. 

None of them seemed to think he was very cool. Ashley started dating a wrestler and Bryce and Zach both had girlfriends. Justin was still waiting to grow tall like his mom promised he would. Your dad was six foot two, she told him. He was waiting very impatiently. He wasn’t filling out like Bryce and Zach, he was still skinny and small and smelly. Luckily, the summer between middle school and high school he finally hit a growth spurt and started gaining some muscle. 

Freshman year all the girls suddenly took interest in him. The braces that the Walkers had paid for were off and he was living three nights a week at their house so he smelled much better. Seth had just moved in though so he still had some bruises sometimes. He told everyone they were from basketball. Why wouldn’t they believe him? 

Bryce had always known that Justin got hit sometimes. It was never a secret but it hung around in the air like stinky cheese. They never ever talked about it. During Thanksgiving, Seth beat the living shit out of Justin and he got drunk for the first time in his life; found himself yet again at Bryce’s door. 

“Justy, man you can’t just-,” Bryce eyed Justin up and down, his vision landed on the tears sliding down Justin’s cheeks and his trembling hands. It was fucking cold, okay? “Come on.” 

Justin didn’t have time to pack a bag or find a proper jacket. He slid his sneakers off and followed Bryce up to his bedroom. 

“Here put this on before you freeze to death.” Bryce tossed Justin a sweatshirt and he eagerly put it on. It practically swallowed him whole but it was warm, soft, and smelled like home. Justin sat at the foot of Bryce’s bed, lip caught under his teeth trying his hardest to console his tears. It wasn’t working very well. 

Bryce sat down next to Justin and they just stayed like that for a few minutes as Justin calmed himself down. 

“I’m sorry, I can go if your parents don’t want me staying the night,” Justin mumbled, praying to any godforsaken religion that Bryce would fight him on this one. 

“Shut up, what’s mine is yours. Stay as long as that asshole is around.” Justin was silent, they never talked about his mom’s boyfriends. “Seriously fuck him, okay?” 

“H-He’s not that bad.” Bryce rolled his eyes and casually bumped Justin’s shoulders with his own. 

“Do you need like an ice pack or a bandaid or some shit?” Justin’s face went beet red and he looked down to his palms resting in his lap. He shook his head silently. His eyes were started to drop. 

“You want to play some Call of Duty or something?” Justin shook his head again. 

“I’m tired.” The conversation was done for now. But it happened again. Seth was a lot worse than Justin originally thought he was going to be. He hit Justin hard and often and he stuck the fuck around. Apparently he was dealing meth because he brought in serious money for Justin’s mom. They never used it on Justin, but he bought her clothes and jewelry and deserts. Justin spent a lot of nights crying on an air mattress on Bryce’s floor. He used to sleep in their guest room but he couldn’t be alone in that big house after he got his ass kicked. Bryce was cool about it unless he wanted to have a girl over, then he sent Justin to the guest room again. 

Meth Seth. That’s what Bryce started calling him. He always tried to make a joke about it all because that’s just how they were. They never talked about the heavy shit. During winter break, Mrs. Walker offered Justin their pool house to stay in until Seth left. Justin stayed there every night for the rest of freshman year. At first it was hard to sleep on his own, but then he started to like having his own space where he could be anybody he wanted to be. It was also a great place to keep their booze and weed. 

All the basketball guys would come hang out around the pool and smoke, usually some girls would be there too. Bryce started hosting house parties, everyone started to accept that Bryce somehow owned the entire school. And Justin was his right hand man. 

Except, he started to notice that maybe he wasn’t Bryce’s best friend the way he thought he was. Bryce took care of him, no doubt about it, but he was different with his other friends than he was with Justin. He almost… patronized Justin a lot of the time. But Justin didn’t dwell too much on it, they were basically brothers and that’s just how an older brother was supposed to be. 

Bryce made a lot more close friends that spring. Justin was friends with a lot of people but Bryce was the only person he was close to. Nobody else knew much about him other than his jersey number and how many girls wanted him. 

Bryce turned sixteen that spring, Justin fifteen. Amber had started Justin in school early — well his birthday was in August so it was a cutoff birthday anyway — so that she wouldn’t have to pay for daycare another year. Bryce’s birthday was in September and he loved to remind Justin he was older than him. Bryce got a car for his birthday, Seth was still at Justin’s. 

Sophomore year is when everything in Justin’s life flipped the fuck out; otherwise known as the year Hannah Baker moved to town. After Ashley, she would be the second kiss he’d ever had. Sure, he had gone to school dances with girls, but he had never actually kissed them. And then Bryce stole his phone and spread those pictures. She was totally right to break up with him, he felt shitty about it. But Zach liked her so he never said anything about it. 

He really liked her friend Jess. She was incredible, she was smart and beautiful and so happy. Justin wanted to kiss her so badly. But then that fucking night from hell happened and suddenly Justin’s earth shattered below his feet. He didn’t lose his best friend or his girlfriend, but he also did. He wished he could take it back. He wished he was strong enough in that moment to push Bryce off of him and run to her. 

But he sat there on the carpet with his lifeline in front of him, his Superman, and he was too stunned, too scared, too much of a goddamn coward to get up. The roof over his head, food, money for school, somebody who tucking cared about him, a home where nobody wanted to hurt him. They weren’t reason enough. Nothing was reason enough and he should have known that. He should’ve been the boyfriend that Jess deserved. He should’ve stood up for himself for once in his pathetic fucking life. 

But Justin didn’t know how to stand up for anything, he had never learned. His father had split before he was even born, his mother was too high to realize he needed her, her boyfriends taught Justin to stay silent and to take whatever was thrown his way, and then Bryce taught him to rely on somebody else to fight his battles. Justin began to realize some of this at he sobbed into his bony knees on that ratty carpet. He began to see that maybe his friendship with Bryce wasn’t what he thought it was. 

Everything was lost that night. Most importantly for Jess. Nothing Justin lost could compete with what she went through. But he did still lose. He lost his only real friend, he lost the only sense of trust and security he had ever known, and he lost the last strand of self confidence he had ever held believing he was going to be more than his mother. 

So he slept on Bryce’s pool house couch and smoked weed all day. Who gives a flying fuck if it’s Bryce’s couch, where else is he gonna go. He tried to tell Jess nothing happened when the tapes came out, praying to god she would never know the truth and that she could be spared some sort of trauma. He was wrong to deny her the truth. Fuck his judgement. 

Bryce kept his liquor stocked and his lighter nearby. Joint after joint, bottle after bottle. Justin cried every single night but Bryce never said a word. Their friendship was crumbling. 

Jess knew, even though she couldn’t say it out loud Justin knew that Jess knew. He went to Standall’s house of all places. Zach wouldn’t answer his texts, Jess was mad at him for betraying her, Monty was a scary son of bitch whose house was no better than Justin’s. Seth had vodka and whiskey in his breath and Justin texted Alex. He confronted Bryce that night. 

He lost his only real friend that night. Well, maybe not. He certainly lost Bryce, but maybe Bryce was never a real friend. Alex let him stay over a few more times that year before Justin ran away to live on the streets. Alex told him what an assols Bryce was. 

Justin wasn’t dumb, he never was. But he didn’t realize until that year that his friendship with Bryce wasn’t healthy, it wasn’t good or real at all. Bryce had taken advantage of Justin, had manipulated him. Justin had always done anything Bryce wanted or asked. It was just how they were. It was just how Bryce wanted them to be. It always was. 

He had nothing. His mom wanted her high and her boyfriends more than him. Seth enjoyed driving Justin to the doors of death and then kicking him out. His only friend was a jackass rapist. Zach was ignoring him, rightly so he figured. Jess hated his guts, again seemed fair enough. Alex was the only person who even asked if he was doing okay. He wasn’t, but he told Alex he was. 

The streets were a lonely place. He had nobody. But Justin supposed he never really had anybody before so the only difference now what that he was back to being smelly and skinny. The heroin only made him skinnier, made him more like his mom. 

He didn’t deserve the Jensen’s. He didn’t deserve the detox or the roof over his head of their kindness. It was weird, being there. They were something Justin only ever fantasized about. He knew those perfect middle class families actually existed. 

But then he finally pulled out a little courage and stood up for Jess. He still didn’t know how to stand up for himself but he would do anything to even begin to make up for what he did to her. He was in jail for five months. 

He celebrated his seventeenth birthday in his cell with some guy named Chris who had been charged with armed robbery. He was cold and defeated because he couldn’t help himself or Jess. But the Jensen’s got him out and then… adopted him? He still couldn’t believe that it was real. 

They gave him his own bedroom and bought him new clothes. They weren’t ripped up donation clothes that his mom used to get, or too big hand-me-downs from Bryce from last season’s Ralph Lauren line, they were clothes that Justin got to pick out that were new and his size and still smelled like a department store. 

Justin still cried most nights, there was too much in his life that haunted his core to ever grant him a good night’s sleep. But now Matt or Lanie would sit at the edge of his bed and rub circles into his back because they somehow actually cared about what he thought. They ate breakfast and dinner together everyday and had family movie nights. They asked Justin what his favorite foods were and what his opinions about things were. He had never been asked so many questions in his life. He had a family that seemed really healthy. He was maybe sort of happy for the first time ever. 

The doorbell rang and Matt was cooking, Clay studying, so Justin hopped off the couch to get the door. It was Bryce. 

“Justy.” He wanted to slam the door or tell him off or scream or something. He was silently. Blinking. Waiting. “So this is your new house, huh?” 

He nodded. For some reason he couldn’t open his mouth. An entire childhood of memories and built up emotions came flooding back, just like they did every time he saw Bryce. At first glance he needed Bryce so badly, still dying for his affection and approval. And then he hated Bryce’s guts for destroying Jess’s dignity and for betraying him. He wanted to punch him, but his hand stayed gripped on the heavy wooden door. 

“Why are you here?” He finally asked. 

“Jeez, I just wanted to see how you were doing.” Justin blinked. This was his chance, his chance to finally stand up for himself. 

“I’m good. No thanks to you.” Bryce smirked. 

“Fuck you Foley. I came because I fucking care.” 

“You don’t.”

“Yeah? I’m probably the only reason you’re alive.” 

“You don’t care about me.” 

“You fucking okay or not?” 

“I already told you I’m good. I’m happy here.” He wasn’t started to get even more annoyed. Why was Bryce at his door, what did he want? 

“Justin, who’s at the door?” Suddenly the sound of Matt’s voice grew louder toward the entry way. He put a firm hand on Justin’s shoulder and put himself in front of him in the doorway. 

“You need to leave.” Bryce looked at Matt for a moment before making eye contact with Justin again. “Now. Before I call the cops.” And Bryce turned and made his way to his car parked along the street. 

Justin couldn’t move. Matt closed the door, he tried to talk to him, and then he finished cooking dinner. Justin curled back up inside the blankets on the couch and watched the rest of the movie. He turned up the volume so Matt wouldn’t hear him crying. He couldn’t help the tears silently rolling down his cheeks. He was always going to be the same scared little kid that Bryce protected that day in first grade. He was always going to be that same scared pathetic asshole on the carpet outside that door. He was never going to be able to stand up for himself. He wiped the sticky tear tracks off his face as the credits rolled and met Clay and Matt in the dining room for dinner. 

Clay has set the table and the two were talking quietly over the kitchen island when Justin walked in. They immediately stopped. 

“Do you need help?” 

“You doing okay?” Matt asked completely ignoring Justin’s own question. Justin pulled at his sweater sleeves. He nodded. He shook his head. Matt’s arms were around him before he would begin to process it. A strong hand cradled the back of his head, the other wrapped around his back. He gave was buried in Matt’s chest, tears soaking Matt’s shirt. Matt tucked Justin under his chin and rest his forehead in the top of Justin’s hair. Justin sobbed. 

“It’s okay son, it’s alright.” He held Justin under he stopped trembling and the last tear was shed. By the time he let go, Clay was out of sight and the dinner had to be getting cold. 

“I’m sorry, I-.”

“Justin, it’s alright.” He ran a hand through Justin’s hair. “Do you want to talk about it?” 

“Not really.” 

“I won’t push it if you really don’t want to tell me. But I almost always feel better when I talk to someone about what’s bothering me.” 

“It’s just,” he stopped for a moment, not knowing what to say or where the hell to begin. “I’m just so tired of it.” Matt sat him down on one of the barstools. 

“What are you tired of?” 

“Of feeling this way.” He couldn’t look Matt in the eyes. He had never in his entire life talked about himself this way, so vulnerable. Matt held his hand like a fucking baby. 

“How are you feeling?” 

“Like I can do anything. I couldn’t help my mom, I couldn’t save Jess, I couldn’t stop Tyler, I couldn’t stop using heroin, and I still can’t fucking stand up to him.” He was so close to crying again and he could handle it. If he started crying again he knew he might never stop. 

“Bryce. Justin, it’s okay. You stood up to him in court. You stood up to him in that fight in school — yes we know about that fight. You are fighting so hard to stay clean and we are so proud of you.” Fuck it, a tear for we’re so proud. “And kiddo, you are not responsible for your mom. It was not on you to help her, that’s what she was supposed to be doing for you. You made mistakes, some pretty fucking big ones, but I’m so proud to have you as my kid now. We should probably work on your confidence though?” 

Justin didn’t know what to say, how to express how important it was to have his feels acknowledged, to be told that he wasn’t a losing battle. He would never be able to express to the Jensen’s how much it truly meant to be part of a real family. 

Maybe, maybe in his own weird way, he had stood up to Bryce by becoming part of this family, by moving forward. It would just have to be enough.


End file.
